Speed Dating
by Orange Sherbet
Summary: Sasuke is gay, Naruto is an idiot, Sai is an ass, Shikamaru is asleep, Sasori is not dead, Deidara is a pyromaniac, Itachi needs dango and I'm the most wanted girl in Konoha. And Ino? Well, she's the evil overlord who got me into this mess.


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_**Speed Dating**_

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"Hi, my name's Sakura, it's nice to meet you." Sakura grinned at the man across from her. He would never guess that inside, she was slowly plotting ways to kill Ino next time she saw her. Sakura hated going out on dates, so being set up on a bunch of speed dates was not her idea of a fun way to spend her birthday.

"Hi, un," The man, who didn't look much older than nineteen, grinned at her. "I'm Deidara,"

He was cute, Sakura thought, she might as well give him a chance. She _was _stuck here for the next hour, so why not make the most of it?

Oh Jashin, she was starting to sound like Ino.

"Cool. So, um, what do you do for a living?" She inquired kindly.

Deidara's grin widened, if possible. "I'm an artist."

"Oh? What kind of art do you make?"

He leaned across the table eagerly, "The moving kind, un!"

Sakura was floored. "Um...what?"

"I blow stuff up! I believe art only lasts for a moment, like an explosion!" He threw his hands up, demonstrating this 'explosion.'

Sakura gulped. _Where _did Ino meet this guy?

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"Um...Itachi?" Sakura asked, not believing her eyes.

"Indeed." Itachi Uchiha nodded.

"Not to be rude, but...what are you doing in Konoha? Why didn't the guards stop you at the gate? YOU KILLED YOUR CLAN. And why are you on a speed date with me?"

Itachi raised both eyebrows, "Bad guys need love too."

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"Sakura-chan! Isn't this great? We can finally go on a real date together!"

Sakura's eye twitched, "Magnificent."

Naruto grinned, "That's good. Hey, I'm gonna order more ramen, do you want anything?"

"No."

"Are you sure? You're looking kind of peaky if you ask me..."

"Nobody asked you?"

"Sakura-chan? Why is that vein popping out of your forehead? Sakur-AAAAAH!"

"Excuse me, mam, but please refrain from fighting in the restaurant."

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"Oh no! nononononononono!" Sakura shook her head rapidly, staring at the man across from her with wide eyes.

"Yes," Sasori smirked.

"But I killed you!"

"I came back to life."

"You're not allowed to do that!"

"Says who?"

"THE LAWS OF REALITY."

"Sakura-chan, I really thought we made a connection back when you were beating the shit out of me in that huge cave-place."

"We did. My fist connected with your face. Wanna make another one?"

Sasori _tsked_, "Always so hostile, Sakura-chan. This relationship won't go anywhere if you don't open yourself up to me."

"I don't wanna open up to you! I want you to go back to being dead!"

"Well, now you're just being immature."

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"Shikamaru? What are _you _doing here?"

Shikamaru lazily raised an eyebrow, "You want me to leave?"

Sakura blushed and stammered, "Oh! No, I mean yes, I mean...UGH! I DON'T KNOW!"

Shikamaru shrugged, "So troublesome,"

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"And your name is?"

"Madara Uchiha."

"Job?"

"Currently, I run an evil organization without their knowledge and plan on taking over the universe to create world peace."

"Ah. I see you aim high."

"Indeed. Indeed I do."

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"Where the fuck is my food?"

Sakura glared at her date, "Why did you order food? You won't be here more than five minutes."

Hidan looked at her curiously, "I'm gonna fuck you longer than five minutes, bitch, I'm a motherfuckin gentleman."

Sakura spit her sage out all over Hidan. "Excuse me?"

"Hey!" He fumed, then shrugged. "It's gonna get fucking dirty anyway."

"Excuse me?"

"Go down, bitch!"

"Get off me!"

"Excuse me, mam, what did I tell you about fighting in the restaurant?"

"Shut the fuck up."

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"Holy shit, _Sasuke?"_

"Hn."

"What the fuck are you doing back in Konoha?"

"Hn."

"Does Naruto know you're here?"

"Why are you on a speed date with me?"

"Hn."

"How did Ino even contact you?"

"Hn."

"Does this mean you're not gay?"

"Hn-wait, _WHAT?"_

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"Hey, Sai,"

Sai smiled fakely, "Hello Ugly, are you aware that Ino is offering random men on the street twenty bucks to go on a speed date with you?"

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Sakura sighed, ready to pack up her stuff and just leave. Who cares if she still had one more date? According to Sai, they were paid anyway.

"Hello?" Someone called.

"My legs are closed for the night!" Sakura shouted back.

Whoever it was frowned and walked over to her, "Why so hostile?"

She shook her head, "It's just been a hard night."

The stranger nodded. "I know what you mean, my bitch of a teammate has had me out since the break of dawn trying to find our team leader."

"Whose your team leader? Maybe I can help." Sakura offered. The stranger looked her up and down with a small smirk on his face, as if contemplating something.

"His name is Sasuke Uchiha, but forget about him, what's _your _name?"

Sakura was shocked for a moment, but quickly regained her composure. "Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine," She grinned.

He grinned back, "Suigetsu."

"Sakura."

"Well, Sakura," Suigetsu leaned in close to her ear, "Maybe your legs are closed, but the restaurants not. How 'bout I buy you dinner?"

Sakura smiled up at him, "You have _no _idea how great that sounds."

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The End

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Review please :D


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